I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
