Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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