I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
