just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
oh god was she eating orange peels again
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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