she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
