i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
