Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
