Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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