why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
