i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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