so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
