i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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