i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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