We won't sleep together?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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