I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
