We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
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