I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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