i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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