I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is the high leading the old right now
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
