i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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