Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
