There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He has the fingertips of a God
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