Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
