Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
