My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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