My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
