guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
