I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You are a genius and a whore.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
