I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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