I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
