Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
