But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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