Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
