mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So many bounce houses so little time
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I smell like Dick and happiness
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
