I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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