based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
