I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
