I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
