OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
