I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
