is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
