There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
