This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I will be naked everywhere
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
