Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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