so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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