I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
