I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
