I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just had sex on a roof
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
