4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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