I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She even gives head with a lisp.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
