Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize