Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
