Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
