i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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