somebody snuck up and got me drunk
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
40s are totally the cure
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
