Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Everything about him screamed your future.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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