I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
