I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
