We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
