Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
