Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
