Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
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I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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