dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
