please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
