Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
