Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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