If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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