have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
