I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
