Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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