Umm I'm too high to move.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
