He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
