No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
